When you find out that someone has suffered a loss, what’s the first thing that you say? The number one answer is…..”I’m sorry for your Loss.” Not Lost. We say it because that’s the answer that we have been conditioned to give. It wasn’t until my husband passed that I realized how much that statement really doesn’t help. So, what should you say? Honestly, as I’ve said so many times before, there is nothing that you can say. However, I can tell you the 5 Things That You Should Never Tell a Widow.

  1. “He’s in a better place.” Really? And you know this because? I know that we believe in heaven and life after death, but that is not what we want to hear. What place could be better than at home alive with his family?
  2. “He wouldn’t want you to be sad.” So he would want be to be happy? I know that’s not what you really mean, but that is not what we want to hear. When you say that, you are really telling me that my emotions are not valid.
  3. “You have to be strong.” You know how much I dislike this statement. Acknowledging my emotions does not make me a weak woman. So many women are afraid to express themselves because of this. Also, if women were protected, we wouldn’t HAVE to be STRONG.
  4. “Just pray about it.” Yes, I am a spiritual person and I pray daily, however, prayer without works is dead. Society tells us that praying will solve everything. Prayer along with therapy has been a major part of my healing.
  5. “I know how you feel.” Yes, we have all been through some things, however, your pain is not my pain. I know it sounds like a good thing to say and you want to be empathic. I get it, but it doesn’t help. It only makes the widow upset because you could not possibly know how it feels to lose my husband.

I could go on and on, but these are my Top 5. How many of these have you said? Was this helpful? What would you add?

I know you are probably wondering, “What do I say then?”

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